The Beginning

The adventure has begun. I am myself today. This is beautiful, for this is the nature of the adventure. It seemed so awkward at first, almost like learning how to walk for the first time. The packing was difficult, but as I gave some things away to people I loved and trusted, it was easy to just let it all go. I sold some things, trashed some things, and gave most of it to Goodwill. Liberation.
I left on June 4, 2009 with all of my worldly possessions in (and on top of) my Mitsubishi Galant. (Kudos to Noah’s super-righteous packing skills!) I left Florida after a perfect lunch at Peach’s with three of the people I love most in the entire world. I took my time leaving the state I am proud to call my home. It is not my birthplace, but it is my home. My first stop on the adventure, however, happens to be the city in which I was born. Orangeburg, SC. My grandmother, who I lovingly call Nonnie, resides here, and this has been a comforting constant throughout my life. It was nice to pull into a driveway I know, be greeted by the face that has been familiar to me since the day of my birth, and sleep in a bed that smells like my grandfather. I am grateful for this symbolic and poignant beginning.
I am so blessed. Even if I turned around and came home tomorrow, it would not be in vain. Before I left I had the rare and immensely satisfying experience of seeing every single one of my friends. I enjoyed home-cooked dinners, late night/full moon beach talks, sunshine and hoops, body painting, woods-walking, hoop making and wine drinking, So You Think You Can Dance!, massaging my loved ones, giving to and receiving from my dearest friends, cookouts, cherries and chocolate, and plain ole’ time well spent with the people who mean so amazingly much to me it makes my heart smile. Thank you all for being in my life. I love, love, love you.
It was easier than I thought to let go of the physical things. That felt great, actually. I have this calm, empty feeling inside. A little fear bounces around in there from time to time, the emptiness amplifying the acoustics of that nagging, persistent voice. But then I take over, and remind myself why I am here, consciously choosing this current situation of having no home, no job, no certainty. It is the ultimate exercise in trust. I must remind myself, especially after decisions such as this, that I am fully capable of taking care of myself, trusting myself to know what to do, trusting the force that guides me, trusting that money will come, trusting that I will find a bed, a shower, and nourishment. I trust it. Whatever it is, I trust it.
So here I sit. I am sitting on the porch of the beach-front house my Momma rented for the week, gazing in awe at the first full moon of the journey, realizing how special I am, this is, we are, and always will be. I almost forgot about the full moon. But then I remembered to take a breath, and go outside. There she was, in all of her beauty, glory, and innocence. The full, white sphere is sitting over the ocean, reflecting herself without reserve. She is a beacon. The goddesses of the moon are calling me towards what I know is already there. Freedom, love, laughter, and life. At one point tonight, the clouds took an interesting formation. This one cloud appeared as an arm with a hand reaching out, and as it gravitated closer and closer to the perfect orb it looked like it took the moon right into its wispy hand. In that moment I almost felt the universe itself was handing me its most precious gem. The moon. I feel as though it is certainly a guiding force. It reminds me that the night is, indeed, kind. Even when I am alone, I am a part of the whole. This is very comforting. So now, to show my appreciation, I will depart from my words to go take part in my own sacred ritual that I practice every month- a dance under the light of the full moon. I am grateful that I have the beautiful Atlantic Ocean as my audience. The Gulf may just get a little envious, but he knows I will return in due time. As I go now, to dance and be divine, I encourage you to give yourself a serious hug. Let it last awhile, and remember that every moment is a spectacular experience. One Love <3