Silent Night

I have ruptured my right ear drum. What an amazing Christmas gift!

I am being serious. It really is a gift. Follow my words as I unwrap it slowly, as my my syllables curve like candy canes, telling a story and that is deeper that your stocking, and fuller than your face. I hope you are enjoying your gluten-free cookies and organic local apple cider, hot and spiced inside of your mug. I hope your dinners are delicious and your communion with Tribe is Divine.

I went to the doctor yesterday after six days of hearing loss in my right ear, experiencing a constant high pitched frequency, and no results from multiple 'alternative' attempts at alleviating the muffled hearing and slight pressure. As an obvious advocate for natural health, I was resistant, humbled, skeptical and, to be honest, scared to go to 'The Doctor'. However, It was now or never, as it was Christmas Eve, and places were closing up. It's my ear. I only have two. It's my hearing. An actual sense. I only have six ;) Not a casual commodity. As I value my health and sharp hearing, I couldn't wait any longer. I needed someone to look inside with a microscope and take away the mystery. I felt my gut sink as the doc told me the news. The one fear I had was confirmed.

Ruptured ear drum. A tear in the tympanic membrane.

I intuitively feel that the physical cause of this lies somewhere between the intensity of the energy of the workshop and a high decibel sound burst from my ear bud during a intense hoop sesh. The metaphysical causality is layered in a more dynamic fashion. Ah, now the wrapping paper is off. Ribbons and paper ripped off. Nothing to hide! Let's open the box.

It happened on Saturday afternoon. I was in the thick of the Bronnikov workshop and needed to ground myself during a lunch break with some authentic hoop dance. I put in my ear buds and listened to some conscious skull candy (music), all the while moving and grooving to the delicious beats. I had been feeling some pressure in my head earlier in the day, a common occurrence with such Shen (Spirit) oriented energy work. I danced hard for a solid hour. I turned down the volume when a clashy punk song came on. I literally had the thought 'Wow, that really hurts my ears'. I took out my earphones shortly after and had the feeling the my right ear needed to pop. It wouldn't. My head felt clogged. I couldn't hear clearly out of my ear, as everything sounded muffled. My Qi family assisted with a bit of energetic love, but no avail. The day progressed and the pain got worse. My ear felt hot. Jaw aching. My right tonsil was pulsating. It hurt so bad I actually cried. I cried and had the memory of being an infant in my crib, my ear throbbing and I am screaming and no one comes. This remembrance made me cry harder. I sobbed for a solid three minutes and felt better. The pain was even down a degree. I am grateful for this release.

I did my best with warm homeopathic oils, mucous digesting enzymes, raw garlic (eating it and via drops), ear candling (twice), energetic alignment of lymph flow, mitake mushroom immune support, grapefruit seed extract, juicing, being void of dairy and ear wax dissolving drops; all the while thinking it was an ear infection. At least my immune system is kickin'! That's a fun stocking stuffer :)

Resistance leads to breakthrough. The skeptic in me arose big time while I was attempting to heal my ear. I was skeptical of the Bronnikov Method, thinking it had something to do with my ear hurting. I became skeptical of alternative healing techniques, as I was doing 'everything right' and nothing was working. I became skeptical of the way I was living my life, wondering why this 'happened to me', the 'super-positive girl'. The words of the Buddha ringing in my ear (literally) 'Doubt everything. Find your own light." I have been in a place of doubt and confusion as my body felt foreign and I was without an answer. I was in fear and placing external causality. Yet, the issue lies within. Literally, inside my head. I had to consult my heart to get to the root of the matter.

During the last seven days I have been contemplating the 'purpose' for this hearing loss. What am I not hearing? Am I really listening? Listening is more important than talking. My voice is so loud inside of my own head right now that talking doesn't seem as appealing, and listening requires extra effort and clarity of communication in every moment. As my physical hearing sense was depleted, my inner voice became louder. There is clarity within the muffled sounds. The message as clear as a Silver Bell, ringing in the crisp cool air. I have become more aware of the Truth within me, the truth within us all: We Are God.

Wow, now that's a package. Merry Christmas to me! I love that this is my realization during 'Christmas Time'. This is a time where traditionally Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus, The Son of Man. Emmanuel. Yeshua. The Christ. The Savior and Redeemer. Today, I celebrate unwrapping the gift and knowing that this Christ Consciousness is inside of me, as still as the Star in East, as sure as the Rising Son, as powerful as the miracles of the man himself. 'Greater works than these you will do', he said. I honor this, and step forward in this service.

Wait! I see more in this gift. It is like the little Russian dolls. You open one, and smaller one lies inside.

I realized I had not taken the time to just be still and be silent. I finally did this. I lit a fire and sat down and listened to the high pitched sound inside my ear. I accepted that a tiny hole existed in my ear drum. I honored my hearing, my loss of hearing, and the skepticism I have been experiencing. All of the conversations I have been having with others about God Consciousness started swirling in my head. All of the workshop material I have learned on various topics over the last 5 years began appearing. All sorts of diverse people, places, and images of worship came into my consciousness. As I realized we are smack in the middle of the time of year where all sorts of people honor God in all sorts of ways, another message became clear.

Every Path is a Path to The Divine.

No matter what you are doing, you are expressing some aspect of God.

God can be found at Bronnikov Method or at Christmas or in Deafness. God is found at the bottom of the bottle or a bag of chips. God is in the junkies arm. God is in the raw food, the baby crying, your drunk Uncle, my spotted past, your bright future, and Now. I found God in a hoola hoop, healthy food habits, my journal, sunsets and redwoods. God is in the pain. My grandma believes it's only Jesus. Atheists are absent of belief. God is in the roses and it's thorns. I realized my skeptical nature was stemming from this knowledge; we are all doing our best with where we are, and there is no wrong choice. I recognized that my path and the choices I am making are simply mine. Not right or wrong. They are perfect, yet everyone's path is perfect, as it is an expression of God.

As I found myself in this place free of judgment, concern, possession, lack, intention, desire or separateness, I floated peacefully in The Void. The Void that has no split or chasm. The Void that is only There. The Void that simply Is. Emptiness is the first condition of a Miracle. One must be empty in order to be available to receive the Flow of Pure Source. I am here to simply be. In being, I Am. In being empty, I Am One with The Void that transcends duality. In my being, my thoughtlessness, I merge into that which Created itself...created Me...creates the Now.

Thank you, to the deliverer of this gift! It shines so sparkly inside my heart. I love that I am the giver, the receiver, the wrapping, the package, the gift itself and the observer watching as it all Unfolds.

On Christmas Eve, I gave as many of my gifts as I could. There were no physical gifts to exchange on the Silent Night and Day of Light. In silence, total blissed out silence, I cooked in the kitchen for hours, experimenting like a scientist with tastes and flavors, making vegan mashed potatoes for a gathering of 60 people today. I only paused to write bits and pieces of this blog. I made spicy Holiday Juice and nourished my body. I even attempted to use the veggie fibers from the juicer to make a veggie quiche crust. Why not? :) It tastes terrible but it was fun. I realized I have so many gifts to give in this world! It starts inside my heart; in gratitude for That Which I Am; that which Jesus the Christ carried inside of him. "The Kingdom of Heaven in within you", he said.

As I embrace my inner voice and listen with my inner ear, I can feel some sort of relief physically. The external world is still muffled. It still takes a lot of effort to listen, and I am grateful. I let the external sounds and sights fall away as I am enveloped in the pure White Light of Christ Consciousness! It is a gift to have such realizations and shifting on such a profound level.

I honor you, your radiance, your light, your gifts, your giving, your receiving, your fullness, your emptiness, your path, your doubt, your love, your skeptical nature, your seeking and your discoveries. I am blessed to simply be. Take a moment to embrace your inner silence, where all is calm, and the birth of the New Sun is at hand. Peace and Earth and Goodwill towards all!

Happy ChristmaHannakKwanzaYule!