So much is activating, elevating, evolving, changing, shifting, accelerating and expanding that I am not even sure what to type. I know that it is important for me to share my experience of this amazing time in my life. I will do my best to conjoin my words and phrases into a syntax that is simple and succinct. I hope you enjoy this documentation of my adventure's, rabbit hole exploration, explosion and rapid growth.
I left St. Petersburg, FL on June 15th. After a blissful, lucrative and inspiring session with the Flow folks at Hoop Path in North Carolina, I spent an adequate amount of time in retreat with my family. My mother, grandmother, cousin and aunt all spent a full week soaking up the sun and sitting in the sparkling sands of Edisto Island, SC. This has been a tradition for the last 15 years of my life. I took this time to cook healthy foods for my family and share my knowledge, as it is my duty in Love. This sharing of information led my aunt to discover she was gluten/lactose intolerant and now she is on a path to recovery. Thank you, Source! I also took this time to sit and connect with the written word. I dedicated much of my time to writing and processing in my journal. This led to the birth of many new blogs and the beginnings of books. My most transformational time in Edisto, however, was my desire to sleep beneath the starlight and lunar light. I slept outside many nights, falling asleep under the glittering sky, listening to the ebb and flow of waves crashing in perfect rhythm. The most enchanting part of sleeping outside in the dark was rising with the sun. I awoke almost every morning to the sun shining on my face. As I opened my eyes, the first site I saw was a trawler gathering shrimp, with hundreds of seagulls above and at at least 50 dolphins behind, all joyously diving around devouring their breakfast. I hold this scene in my heart and it fills me with peace and appreciation for this amazing life I am living. My time at Edisto helped to heal and open my heart, as well as opened my third-eye to some dynamic creative downloads. I am so grateful for the amazing women in my family and for this experience that we shared together!
Shortly after my departure from Edisto, I spent a week on the magical Jekyll Island off the coast of Georgia with my mother. She was there to work, I was there to be of company and work on my own projects. The Healthy Hooper was born on the new moon of July while on Jekyll! I posted my first blog for The Healthy Hooper that week, and it was the beginning of my life as a successful working artist, author, and healer. I took time to connect with my beloved mother of flesh and earth. It was a healing time. There is something very special about this place, and I am grateful I had alone time while there to allow the birth of creative and prosperous beginnings.
After leaving Jekyll I spent a significant amount of time with my parents at their house in Athens, GA. It was so healing to connect with them further. I love and honor my parents, and it is reciprocated beautifully. They are very supportive of my journey. For this, I am immensely grateful. They understand my free nature and spirit, and allow space for me to flourish. My mother and I frequented the local Farmer's Market, which inspired us both to eat more sustainably. My mom decided to become vegetarian and has given up fried chicken! Yay, Mom! This also inspired me to move forward with my project and I begin writing more blogs about the power of food, conscious consumption and healthy living. Athens is a beautiful city with many conscious choices and people.
It was a blessing to retreat to my own room to write or just be alone. It was important for me to be able to go outside and dance and be free. My parents are so accepting of who I am, and being in this space helped me to be just as accepting of myself and them. I worked through a lot of personal issues during my time with mom and dad. I enjoyed sitting on the porch in the morning sun, having coffee and theological discussions with my father. I soaked up the Divine Feminine of my Mother. I am grateful for it and am looking forward to the next time I can retreat to their sanctuary, as it is healing for my heart and childhood wounds.
I took a short trip back to St. Petersburg in July. This was a healthy challenge for me. I was really missing my Flow Family in Florida and it was wonderful to connect with them. It was bitter sweet saying goodbye again to the ones I loved, but I am grateful for my time with each of them. It was hard to leave StudioFlow and Noah, but I am trusting that the Universe will recycle the 'concept' of it all, and it will come back around my way when it is time. My heart is still a bit empty from this detachment, but where there is emptiness, there is room for miracles.
After leaving St. Pete I headed back to mom and dad's to regain my sense of feeling rooted and grounded. Once that was accomplished I set off on the big adventure across the country. My first stop: Lucedale, Mississippi.
What the heck would bring me to Mississippi, you might ask? A very close friend/sister of mine, Karen. I had not connected with Karen in years, so it was time. What a rewarding experience! It was amazing to connect with Karen, her husband Eric, and their two beautiful children (Nathan,5 and Savanah, 3). Spending time reading to Nathan and answering his curious questions reminded me to always be childlike in my approach to knowledge. Dancing and twirling with little Savanah was so phenomenally healing for my heart. She wanted to have her hair in braided pig-tails like mine, and was always SO happy to see me when I accompanied Karen in picking them up from 'school'. That sweet little girl helped me to remember that I am going to be a wonderful mother someday, and it is my duty to help raise the children of the world. Even though they are not mine, it is still my responsibility to be a shining example and help them all along the way. Connecting with Karen again was an enriching experience. We learned so much from each other! I am so grateful to her and Eric for helping me along the way! I couldn't have done it without them. Infinite Gratitude.
From there, I drove to Austin, Texas to meet up with people who run the Qi Revolution. Qi Revolution is a 4-Day Seminar that includes Qi Gong training, food healing information, breath empowerment and lecture on topics that actually matter (sacred geometry, gratitude, etc.) I was hired on to help sell music by the amazing Jami Deva who saw me for who I was at the Orlando events I previously attended. He even said to me, 'You have a pure heart. Let it guide your experience with us'. I did. He has helped me tremendously, as he hired to me to help in Austin as well as San Diego. This event was even more amazing now that I was behind the scenes as opposed to being a participant. The Qi Family is indescribably beautiful. Everyone welcomed me into this family with love, warmth, and encouragement. I re-connected with people I had met at other seminars and met so many new, lovely beings. I was able to participate in the seminar and it felt wonderful to connect deeper to the breath, qi gong, and information shared. It was good practice for my Level One Instructor training that I would be taking once I got to San Diego. Jeff Primack, the founder of the event, was happy to see me there and was very encouraging. It was a honor to connect with him further. My shining moment was one of the last nights in Austin, when I was able to share my hoops and performance with all of the Qi Family. I fire hooped and spun my fire poi, and they were all so inspired and grateful to me for sharing. It felt wonderful to be accepted and my gifts acknowledged! I taught them how to hoop and they loved it. They were all so happy to have found such a fun outlet. My experience in Austin was amazing. From there, I followed the tour to San Diego, where I am still located at present moment.
San Diego has been a blast! I have learned so much about myself though my amazing Qi Fmaily. The 4-Day Qi Revolution seminar was powerful, and this is a statement considering it was my fourth one. It keeps getting better and better. I focused in on learning Level One, as I wanted to prepare for the teacher training. I was focusing my Qi towards my dream of Maui, and loe and behold, the second day of the seminar I received a phone call from the farm I applied to back in June delivering the news that I had been accepted! I will be living and working on the magical island of Maui for six full months starting in February. This is the power of the Qi! The timing of this call was a synchronicity indeed, as I began to manifest this dream during my first Qi Revolution in 2008. I have come a long way since then, and I am now a certified instructor for this amazing practice! I studied and practiced and passed my test with ease. It feels so good to be on this adventure, while still educating myself and creating more and more opportunities for me to expand, grow and share. Incorporating Qi Gong into my life has improved it in all areas, especially the areas of TRUST and CREATIVITY. By immersing myself in the practice of harnessing Qi (life-force energy) I have opened up and activated areas of my heart and mind that were previously sleeping. My Qi Family is full of people who are Masters of Qi and have lots of wisdom to share so I have been soaking it all up. I am humbled to be a student. After the seminar I was blessed to be able to continue my training. I took a workshop on Tantra, which strengthened my ability to cultivate the Kundalini energy that flows through us all. My education continued as I was able to assist and participate in a two-day Food Healing seminar, as well. I am so grateful for ALL of these opportunities and give thanks to the Source for opening the Way. Source has been providing opportunities for me to sell hoops and give massages, which is how I have been able to continue on with this amazing adventure. I ended up connecting with a friend that I knew 10 years ago in high school out here. His name is Guy. He is a vendor and goes to local markets everyday to sell sunglasses and Rasta clothing and gear. We connected and I was able to sell hoops with him! I am amazed at how this has all fallen into place.
I made friends with a beautiful soul sister named Ann. Ann has been such an angel, and I am staying with her at present moment. She lives with beekeepers who are self-sustained on their own land. It is so wonderful to experience all of this. I am learning more than I can type!
I am realizing that I am very adaptable and can thrive anywhere. Everywhere I have been opportunity has been all around me. I spent my last two dollars in cash on a cup of coffee the other morning, and by the evening sold enough hoops to have $175 in my wallet. I love Source, and Source loves me. It is clear that I am on the right path.
After being super devoted to practicing Qi Gong and being around such high vibrational people for weeks I was feeling the need to sleep on the earth to ground and decompress. I asked a friend where to go and they gave me directions to the perfect spot. I hiked down into a canyon in the middle of the night. I took my flashlight and followed the sounds of the ocean. I found a cozy nook and threw down my sleeping bag and fell asleep under the stars to the sound of the Pacific. This was a first. I woke up the the magnificent site of cliffs and canyon walls framing the powerful Pacific and her crashing waves. It was my first site of the actual Pacific Ocean. When in Oregon and certain parts of San Diego I saw the bay, but not the actual ocean. It was glorious to begin my day meditating on the view of the water and earth. I sat in silence and then practiced Qi Gong. I plan on sleeping in that spot many more times before I leave this place. It feels good to be able to just say 'I'm going to sleep outside tonight', and then go do it. I am liberated, strong and capable of living out ALL OF MY DREAMS!
I was invited by a cool guy I met named Jesse to attend my first ever dub-step rave. What an insanely cool experience! I don't do any crazy drugs anymore, so I took my LED hoop and was ready to blow the minds of a bunch of tripped out candy-ravers. The music moved me, plus I had a bunch of cultivated Qi flowing through my veins. I hooped so freaking hard, had hundreds of people watching, and was totally vibing high! My new friends that I made named me 'Luminessnce'. It felt like Truth. It felt so good to dance without any limitations to some of my favorite DJ's (RUSKO) that I never thought I would see live. Jesse was super cool and let me do my thing. I really needed to let it all Flow out. Here is the interesting part. I had my hoops in my hand on the way into the concert. No one checked my ticket, no one patted me down at security, no one told me not to bring in my hoops. They were telling other girls they could not bring in hoops, but somehow I was invisible and entered with ease. I could have gotten in for free, but Jesse had already purchased my ticket. It was really crazy, actually. Perhaps they thought I was a performer? Or, perhaps I am now existing at a vibration where those who are not at an equal vibration do not even see me? Who knows! I am just grateful that I was able to express myself freely while setting the good example of raging out at a rave without being all f****d up on drugs. I met a lot of people and passed out my business cards left and right. It felt so good to be respected for the artist that I am!
My favorite thing about San Diego is the awesome Flow Family I am connecting with here. I met a great friend named Jason and we do fun things together like acro-yoga and Dance Jam. Dance Jam is put on by one of my hoop heroes, Patrick of Psi Hoops. It was so neat my first time at Dance Jam to look over and recognize Patrick from photos. He is prominent in the hoop community and I feel honored to be hooping and learning with him. My first night at Dance Jam the group put me in the middle of the circle and they all 'Om'd and then lifted me up and carried me around the room making fun noised and raising my vibration even higher! They told me they loved me for being there and called me 'Butterfly Free'. I am living in heaven :) I met a beautiful couple (Kyle and Jessica) and they invited me to their home, which is a communal home and a perfect sanctuary. Kyle and Jessica are changing the world by expressing themselves fully and freely to others and each other. I am very inspired by their relationship. It made me miss Noah, but I am holding space for the perfect relationship to reveal itself to me when I am truly ready. All is well, and my heart is healing and happy.
I am headed to LA next where I plan on meeting up with some blood family and Qi Family. I would also like to attend a church service at Agape where Dr. Rev. Michael Beckwith speaks of love and truth. I admire that man so much! His life is deeply inspiring. I am doing my best to take a purposeful trip to Miami to obtain my Level 2 teacher training in Qi Gong. From there I headed to Santa Cruz, CA where I will connect with my Flow Family at Hoop Camp! I am so excited to take classes and see my loved ones. I am also very blessed that is a working experience for me, as I am one of two massage therapists on duty there. I am enjoying integrating my healing into my hooping, my hooping to the Qi, my Qi into all areas of my life and my life into the Divine Web of The All. It is all coming together in a flawless, fluid stream. From Hoop Camp I will travel north where I will be camping and working until it is time for me to go to Maui. I will use this time to retreat inward and empty my vessel in preparation for the island.
I appreciate all of you taking such interest in my journey and I am so honored to be able to share my experience. So much artistic expression has been flowing out of me, so stay tuned to my youtube for new videos and my blog for new stories, poems and random reflections. I love each of you. So much, actually, that you are part of the reason I am doing this. I desire to be successful and have an enlightening experience so that you know it is possible to do it, too. I am feeling very blessed to be on this adventure, and I am immensely grateful to all of the earth angels being put in path to assist me on my way! I am totally trusting in this moment, and I encourage you to feel the same. Blessings abound <3
Monday, September 13, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
The Healing Water
Thursday July 22, 2010 at 1:11pm
I open this with deep and sincere gratitude to Bobby, Kerrie and Noah, whose influence and example was the beginning of the most amazing journey: a healthy relationship with my body.
I went to Brooksville, FL with Noah to meet his parents for the first time. His parents house and property sounded like an idyllic paradise. "The Homestead", he described it. He spoke to me of 'ponds and turkeys, herb gardens and tinctures created by Kerrie, a healing chalet that him and his father built together, a pottery studio and raw food delights'. Really? These people exist? You bet. His father, Bobby and step mother, Kerrie are a super-incredible-powerful healing team. They use innate intelligence and advanced Applied Kinesiology to communicate with the body. I was nervous and excited to meet them, as I was in the process of quitting smoking, quitting fast food, and ceasing all occasional recreational drug use. I was in my last term of massage school (where Noah and I met four years ago) so I was coming into a healthier state of being. I was ready for more. Noah educated me and informed daily of so much knowledge on the body and human health. This was the quality that drew me towards his light. I was thirsty for knowledge, and Noah held the golden goblet of the hydrating healing waters. I gulped it down; the healing waters AND my nervous throat lump as I prayed they didn't think I was totally f****d up!) We arrived, and my believing eyes affirmed the beauty and utopia in the stories. These people were amazing, the real deal. Walking the walk. They had their own catfish pond, ate eggs from their own turkeys, grew most of their own food, had a healing treatment room and so so so much more. There were glass gallon jugs holding water, and on the outside of the jugs positive affirmations were written. I felt chills when I saw that. It impacted me. Everything in their home has a purpose, and that purpose is based on health and healing. After some brief introductions, hugs, and enough small talk for me to feel pseudo-comfortable, I received what will always be referred to in my world as 'The Rundown'. They asked me a whooooole lot of questions about my body and it felt good to answer them honestly. It felt cleansing in itself to admit what I had been doing to myself. Abuse, really. I was eating dead food, drinking sugary poisons and inhaling chemicals that are fatal through smoking. They were very objective and clear on explaining to me what was really going on with my body. They explained to me SIMPLE things like digestion, hydration, food choice, toxicity, an alkaline versus an acidic body, effects of prescriptions on my body and the power of my emotions on my body. I use the word simple because as they told me these things I felt like I was remembering the Truth that I knew deep down but had never practiced. Once hearing it broken down like this, it sounded so simple. My body knew it was true, but my mind never made the connection. They facilitated my ability to stay connected to my body, and provided with the information sources and tools to do it on my own. "Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime." To not leave my body to mindlessly eat, smoke, or drink poisons because I am uneducated or bored, became my passion. Ignorance and boredom are for lazy sloths. I was through with being consumed by this darkness. Bobby and Kerrie put me on a table and put all kinds of substances in my mouth to test me for food allergies. Wheat, yeast and dairy all weakened my immune system. They muscle tested me and discovered which muscles were weak, explained to me what nutritional deficiencies cause this, where I was missing this nutrition in in my diet, gave me some of the missing nutrient, and rubbed certain points on my body. They retested the weak muscles after running this protocol, and the weak muscles tested strong. I think I cried at some point because I had so many problems and questions before meeting them, and they just swept right in and showed me the light of truly living. I finally knew the Truth. To make a long story short (the long version will certainly be in my memoir), my life was changed that day for the better forever. I am operating at optimal health today because I follow the example that these people set for me. They ran dozens of muscle tests on my body that day, but the one that sticks with me the most is the test for dehydration. That is the first thing they test for, as most health problems stem from this and this alone! Most people are always dehydrated. This is so underestimated. I saw how important water was to them, and listened intently as they explained its vital role in bodily functions. Bobby and Kerrie had a reverse osmosis filter that filtered the whole house. The tap water was filtered through the main tank and then filtered again through the tap. Then they bottled it and treated it with Mega H. Mega H perfectly balances the water as close as possible to pristine, clean, fresh from-the-untainted-water. They gave me some water with Celtic sea salt mixed in to rehydrate me. The headache I had been fighting for three days was gone within five minutes of chugging the only-slightly-salty mixture. They explained to me proper sodium balance in the body, proper ratios of salt to water, and the importance of trace mineral balance. They explained to me what was really in tap water: aluminum, fluoride and other metals, traces of birth control, feces, pesticides and prescription drug residue because so many people ingest and pass them through the urine. They stored the water in glass as opposed to plastic because water leeches toxins from plastic (especially when heated.) Some of the glass gallons had magnets on each side, creating even more balanced and healing the water. They had words of love and encouragement placed all over the jugs. They showed me books on the healing powers of water and how water is affected by the words we say, written by the enlightened Doctor Emoto. I was entranced. I heeded the words they spoke and read the information they shared. This was four years ago, and here I am today still sharing and writing about it, following the example.
I bathed that day in healing waters. Metaphorically and literally. As an observant citizen of society I caution my fellow human citizens to be choosy and careful of the water in which you nourish your thirsts. Again, a metaphorical and literal piece of advice. I have consumed sweet healing water and also ingested toxic, poisonous, and scalding water in my day. Metaphorically, we are all thirsty for truth, spiritual knowledge, information and answers. There are many clever cats, and rats, who will offer your their goblets to quench your thirst. If you keep finding you are still thirsty or even sick, still going back to the same goblet, perhaps you should learn to fetch your own water. I have learned to drink only from the Source of the water itself, and avoid the middle man and any added ingredients that may have been tossed in along the way. Sip and sample the water of another, be inspired, drink your fill, but ultimately, it is your search. Tap into your own well. Be responsible and use discernment before taking too big of a swallow, or leaping into churning sea. What are you diving for? What are you thirsty for? Be clear on these inner intentions and you will become well hydrated with the waters of Truth and Love. Remain unclear on your intention, dive in blindly, and you may find the water is rancid, tainted, or too rough.
Physically one should know what they are putting into one's body. Our body is four-fifths water. That is almost our entire make up. We are water and dust. One must take in the right amount of water to stay healthy and hydrated. "Too little ain't good. Too much ain't either." Balance. If one is retaining water, it means they are not taking in enough. This may seem counter intuitive, but if the body becomes afraid it will not receive enough of something it holds on to it for dear life. Literally.
Hydrating our bodies with healthy water makes the difference between life and death. One of the most important functions of water is to flush toxins from the body. If we deny our bodies ease of this vital function, we are dead. I choose to show myself love through proper hydration. I spend the time to refill my three-gallon jugs with filtered water from the health food store. I'll buy the bottle of water (in glass when it's available) and refill it when it's empty with good water. I have been drinking pure water (Reverse Osmosis or Distilled works for me) for four years now, so when I taste tap water I can taste the heavy metals and impurities so strongly. I can smell them in the water without even having to taste it. When I first moved to Florida I drank a glass of tap water and ended up with horrible stomach pains and diarrhea. That was enough of an experience to show me! I rarely make exceptions to this commitment to myself. I love my body and show it by drinking the right amount of pure, blessed water.
Did you know that (when viewed under a microscope) a water molecule that has been blessed (ie. Holy Water) looks like a perfect snowflake? Symmetrical and flawless. Water that has been told it was 'ugly' and 'hated' looked like a yellow, disgusting blob. If our bodies are four-fifths water then what we say to our bodies REALLY matters! I look at myself everyday in the mirror and tell myself 'I love you!' I smile and I mean it. When I drink water I do it with love and rub my tummy. I know it may sound weird, but I am more vital and healthy at 25 then I was when I was 8 years old. I am the healthiest I have ever been. Hence, The Healthy Hooper creation. I am stoked to share this journey! If I can do it, anyone can. It began with something as simple as choosing good water over water that makes you sick. It begins with this. It began with someone having the courage to do it, someone else being inspired, and someone else reading about it and getting inspired and then inspiring someone else. Hell yeah! :) We are in this together.
The Healing Water is that which we drink in and accept it as good, true, pure and on purpose. I think dolphins are the most intelligent, highly evolved species on this planet, and they live in water. I dream of being a mermaid. I WAS a mermaid between the ages of 6-11. I still am, secretly. I love the water. I am pretty sure that a HUGE part of my deepest healing work has taken place under the full moon's light while immersed in the sea water of the Gulf. I have felt more comfort shedding my salty tears into her salty solution which holds me buoyant, with no effort, than in the arms of any human. Only ease. I have been healed by a good, hot shower. I have been healed looking over the glassy surface of a lake, watching the water ripple with tiny waves. I have been healed by consuming only water and no other liquids. I have healed my body with water, my mind with water, and my soul with The Waters. We need water to live. Water lives in us. There are so many metaphors one could derive from this concept.
Being introduced to the importance of this element changed me forever. I began this blog with an offering of gratitude to the ones who held my hand with my first step. I will conclude this blog with an offering of gratitude to the ones reading these words and will take it one step further. Thank you to each of you who step outside of the sandbox, and into the waves of uncertainty as you view the distant yet healing horizon. Thank you for being the one who doodles words of love and light onto your water bottles, or the one who christens your baby. Thank you for remember the parts of you (four-fifths!) that are water and watery in metaphorical nature. Thank you. Blessings as we dive deep into the infinite sea of you and me!
I open this with deep and sincere gratitude to Bobby, Kerrie and Noah, whose influence and example was the beginning of the most amazing journey: a healthy relationship with my body.
I went to Brooksville, FL with Noah to meet his parents for the first time. His parents house and property sounded like an idyllic paradise. "The Homestead", he described it. He spoke to me of 'ponds and turkeys, herb gardens and tinctures created by Kerrie, a healing chalet that him and his father built together, a pottery studio and raw food delights'. Really? These people exist? You bet. His father, Bobby and step mother, Kerrie are a super-incredible-powerful healing team. They use innate intelligence and advanced Applied Kinesiology to communicate with the body. I was nervous and excited to meet them, as I was in the process of quitting smoking, quitting fast food, and ceasing all occasional recreational drug use. I was in my last term of massage school (where Noah and I met four years ago) so I was coming into a healthier state of being. I was ready for more. Noah educated me and informed daily of so much knowledge on the body and human health. This was the quality that drew me towards his light. I was thirsty for knowledge, and Noah held the golden goblet of the hydrating healing waters. I gulped it down; the healing waters AND my nervous throat lump as I prayed they didn't think I was totally f****d up!) We arrived, and my believing eyes affirmed the beauty and utopia in the stories. These people were amazing, the real deal. Walking the walk. They had their own catfish pond, ate eggs from their own turkeys, grew most of their own food, had a healing treatment room and so so so much more. There were glass gallon jugs holding water, and on the outside of the jugs positive affirmations were written. I felt chills when I saw that. It impacted me. Everything in their home has a purpose, and that purpose is based on health and healing. After some brief introductions, hugs, and enough small talk for me to feel pseudo-comfortable, I received what will always be referred to in my world as 'The Rundown'. They asked me a whooooole lot of questions about my body and it felt good to answer them honestly. It felt cleansing in itself to admit what I had been doing to myself. Abuse, really. I was eating dead food, drinking sugary poisons and inhaling chemicals that are fatal through smoking. They were very objective and clear on explaining to me what was really going on with my body. They explained to me SIMPLE things like digestion, hydration, food choice, toxicity, an alkaline versus an acidic body, effects of prescriptions on my body and the power of my emotions on my body. I use the word simple because as they told me these things I felt like I was remembering the Truth that I knew deep down but had never practiced. Once hearing it broken down like this, it sounded so simple. My body knew it was true, but my mind never made the connection. They facilitated my ability to stay connected to my body, and provided with the information sources and tools to do it on my own. "Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime." To not leave my body to mindlessly eat, smoke, or drink poisons because I am uneducated or bored, became my passion. Ignorance and boredom are for lazy sloths. I was through with being consumed by this darkness. Bobby and Kerrie put me on a table and put all kinds of substances in my mouth to test me for food allergies. Wheat, yeast and dairy all weakened my immune system. They muscle tested me and discovered which muscles were weak, explained to me what nutritional deficiencies cause this, where I was missing this nutrition in in my diet, gave me some of the missing nutrient, and rubbed certain points on my body. They retested the weak muscles after running this protocol, and the weak muscles tested strong. I think I cried at some point because I had so many problems and questions before meeting them, and they just swept right in and showed me the light of truly living. I finally knew the Truth. To make a long story short (the long version will certainly be in my memoir), my life was changed that day for the better forever. I am operating at optimal health today because I follow the example that these people set for me. They ran dozens of muscle tests on my body that day, but the one that sticks with me the most is the test for dehydration. That is the first thing they test for, as most health problems stem from this and this alone! Most people are always dehydrated. This is so underestimated. I saw how important water was to them, and listened intently as they explained its vital role in bodily functions. Bobby and Kerrie had a reverse osmosis filter that filtered the whole house. The tap water was filtered through the main tank and then filtered again through the tap. Then they bottled it and treated it with Mega H. Mega H perfectly balances the water as close as possible to pristine, clean, fresh from-the-untainted-water. They gave me some water with Celtic sea salt mixed in to rehydrate me. The headache I had been fighting for three days was gone within five minutes of chugging the only-slightly-salty mixture. They explained to me proper sodium balance in the body, proper ratios of salt to water, and the importance of trace mineral balance. They explained to me what was really in tap water: aluminum, fluoride and other metals, traces of birth control, feces, pesticides and prescription drug residue because so many people ingest and pass them through the urine. They stored the water in glass as opposed to plastic because water leeches toxins from plastic (especially when heated.) Some of the glass gallons had magnets on each side, creating even more balanced and healing the water. They had words of love and encouragement placed all over the jugs. They showed me books on the healing powers of water and how water is affected by the words we say, written by the enlightened Doctor Emoto. I was entranced. I heeded the words they spoke and read the information they shared. This was four years ago, and here I am today still sharing and writing about it, following the example.
I bathed that day in healing waters. Metaphorically and literally. As an observant citizen of society I caution my fellow human citizens to be choosy and careful of the water in which you nourish your thirsts. Again, a metaphorical and literal piece of advice. I have consumed sweet healing water and also ingested toxic, poisonous, and scalding water in my day. Metaphorically, we are all thirsty for truth, spiritual knowledge, information and answers. There are many clever cats, and rats, who will offer your their goblets to quench your thirst. If you keep finding you are still thirsty or even sick, still going back to the same goblet, perhaps you should learn to fetch your own water. I have learned to drink only from the Source of the water itself, and avoid the middle man and any added ingredients that may have been tossed in along the way. Sip and sample the water of another, be inspired, drink your fill, but ultimately, it is your search. Tap into your own well. Be responsible and use discernment before taking too big of a swallow, or leaping into churning sea. What are you diving for? What are you thirsty for? Be clear on these inner intentions and you will become well hydrated with the waters of Truth and Love. Remain unclear on your intention, dive in blindly, and you may find the water is rancid, tainted, or too rough.
Physically one should know what they are putting into one's body. Our body is four-fifths water. That is almost our entire make up. We are water and dust. One must take in the right amount of water to stay healthy and hydrated. "Too little ain't good. Too much ain't either." Balance. If one is retaining water, it means they are not taking in enough. This may seem counter intuitive, but if the body becomes afraid it will not receive enough of something it holds on to it for dear life. Literally.
Hydrating our bodies with healthy water makes the difference between life and death. One of the most important functions of water is to flush toxins from the body. If we deny our bodies ease of this vital function, we are dead. I choose to show myself love through proper hydration. I spend the time to refill my three-gallon jugs with filtered water from the health food store. I'll buy the bottle of water (in glass when it's available) and refill it when it's empty with good water. I have been drinking pure water (Reverse Osmosis or Distilled works for me) for four years now, so when I taste tap water I can taste the heavy metals and impurities so strongly. I can smell them in the water without even having to taste it. When I first moved to Florida I drank a glass of tap water and ended up with horrible stomach pains and diarrhea. That was enough of an experience to show me! I rarely make exceptions to this commitment to myself. I love my body and show it by drinking the right amount of pure, blessed water.
Did you know that (when viewed under a microscope) a water molecule that has been blessed (ie. Holy Water) looks like a perfect snowflake? Symmetrical and flawless. Water that has been told it was 'ugly' and 'hated' looked like a yellow, disgusting blob. If our bodies are four-fifths water then what we say to our bodies REALLY matters! I look at myself everyday in the mirror and tell myself 'I love you!' I smile and I mean it. When I drink water I do it with love and rub my tummy. I know it may sound weird, but I am more vital and healthy at 25 then I was when I was 8 years old. I am the healthiest I have ever been. Hence, The Healthy Hooper creation. I am stoked to share this journey! If I can do it, anyone can. It began with something as simple as choosing good water over water that makes you sick. It begins with this. It began with someone having the courage to do it, someone else being inspired, and someone else reading about it and getting inspired and then inspiring someone else. Hell yeah! :) We are in this together.
The Healing Water is that which we drink in and accept it as good, true, pure and on purpose. I think dolphins are the most intelligent, highly evolved species on this planet, and they live in water. I dream of being a mermaid. I WAS a mermaid between the ages of 6-11. I still am, secretly. I love the water. I am pretty sure that a HUGE part of my deepest healing work has taken place under the full moon's light while immersed in the sea water of the Gulf. I have felt more comfort shedding my salty tears into her salty solution which holds me buoyant, with no effort, than in the arms of any human. Only ease. I have been healed by a good, hot shower. I have been healed looking over the glassy surface of a lake, watching the water ripple with tiny waves. I have been healed by consuming only water and no other liquids. I have healed my body with water, my mind with water, and my soul with The Waters. We need water to live. Water lives in us. There are so many metaphors one could derive from this concept.
Being introduced to the importance of this element changed me forever. I began this blog with an offering of gratitude to the ones who held my hand with my first step. I will conclude this blog with an offering of gratitude to the ones reading these words and will take it one step further. Thank you to each of you who step outside of the sandbox, and into the waves of uncertainty as you view the distant yet healing horizon. Thank you for being the one who doodles words of love and light onto your water bottles, or the one who christens your baby. Thank you for remember the parts of you (four-fifths!) that are water and watery in metaphorical nature. Thank you. Blessings as we dive deep into the infinite sea of you and me!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Emerge or Die: HP4
We sat in the silence of the circle. The wood cracked and split in the fire as the crickets conducted their symphony under the moonlight. As he spoke, we observed our messenger, our mentor, our leader within the loop and life, and listened intently as if the words we meant for us alone. They were. Bax spoke to us on the concepts of life and death, happiness and sadness, blossoming and decay. 'Emerge or Die', he said. 'Emerge or die'. That was all I needed to hear. In that moment I was present, in congruence and agreement with this. I must emerge, spring forth, burst open, spill over and allow my essence to ooze forward with purpose, passion and hungry flame. Emerge or die. I must believe there is light above even as I am choked in the mire of illusion, spiraling through the muck until I break the surface. Gasping but alive. Emerge or die. I must fall deep into the silence of the cocoon, trusting that this process will lead me to colorful, winged flight, as vibrant tone and air alone sustain me. Emerge? Or, Die? A simple choice. There are many aspects of me that scream for emergence. It's an 'emergence emergency', if you will. So much of me is ready to paint, draw, color, be, swim, dance, laugh, heal, photograph, craft, cook, write, sing, make music, teach children, flexibly pose, comfort the old, and LOVE as I am discovering my infinite, limitless nature. There is also a large part of me that is ready to die, or has died and I have ignored the stench. Much of me is now ready to move forward. Be recycled. Decay and take new form. This is ok. I allow the break down to occur. My ego does not like the 'die' part of the double edged sword of evolution. The ego will support, on a superficial level, anything that brings it 'attention'. But the parts that are vulnerable, sensitive, and transparent...well...the ego protects those parts from being sloughed off. Die. There are parts of me I am absolutely ready to shed. I sat in the fire circle, with so many people I love and realized that 'Emerge or Die' also means 'Emerge AND Die'. For the death of the old composts the growth of the new. I have been conflicted in thinking it was one or the other. As a matter of fact, I have been conflicted thinking I must have one or the other in MANY areas of my life. "Be with a partner or be free". "Work for another or have my own entity". "Have a home or travel". "Commitment or freedom". I. Went. Crazy! So, to bring this full circle...Emerge AND Die. What we choose to allow to emerge and what we choose to allow to die is ours and ours alone. Either way, all is well.
This was my second year at Hoop Path. Last year I sat in that fire circle and cried and cried. So grateful for the hoop and it's people, grateful for my life, grateful for creative devotion and honored to just BE THERE sitting amongst the greats that inspired my beginning. The fire circle has fallen on my Hoopiversary (hoop anniversary) the last two years. That day is also Father's Day. The perfect synchronization. Let me tell you what has happened for me between last year on Father's Day and this year on Father's day. After I left Hoop Path I was determined to end my relationship with my Father, who I felt had wronged me and my mother irreparably. I thought this was the only way to heal it. To dismiss him. To make a long story short, within two weeks of the Father's Day/Summer Solstice fire circle at Hoop Path, I was finally friends with the man who was my Father. We actually sat down to talk and had major breakthroughs. I told him I had been mad at him since I was six. He was sorry, and I believed him. We connected, for the first time in 20 years. He ended up moving closer to me in St. Petersburg for a job, and we got to hang out on the beautiful Gulf coast of Florida together for three months. For anyone who knows me, this healing between my Father and I is profound. This is lifetimes of karmic contracts sealed and healed. I am lighter. Freer. Whole. If the hoop can help me within ONE YEAR to heal a relationship that I felt had been 'broken' for a lifetime, I simply can't imagine what healing it will facilitate for me now that I am in my second year. I have even greater understanding of the hoop and The Way that it opens now. So, this year, listening to Bax say three simple words, 'Emerge or Die', I realized that evolution is upon me once more.
Last year I let a huge part of me die. I let the parts of me that hated my father, hated my mother for loving my father, and hated myself for hating...die. I loved it and then released it. I forgave them and I forgave me. I put in it the fire, and let the fire burn it into dust with all of the old patterns and beliefs that enable that hatred. I acknowledged the emotion, and let it burn away. It took a while for this miraculous healing to be revealed, but I experienced it fully all the same. I know now to be patient and wait, observe the signs and symbols from Spirit, and allow the healing to happen. I am already feeling the Fourth Ring healing. My tree, my treasures, and my heart is expanding.
This year I feel I have more to take care of on the Emergence side of this coin. Be the Bird. The yin. The conception, creative fire, and birth of a new Me. A Self-Realized Shellie. Wow. It feels good to type that:)! Hoop Path was the perfect opportunity to become aware of who this is. What do I want to offer the world? What example do I want to set? Easy answer. I know my purpose. I am a healer. This is what I was born to do. I am grateful I realized this and went to massage school, educated myself daily on the body, and study as much as I can about what it means to Be Healthy. My healing hands have sustained me for the last four years. It is what paid for me to come to Hoop Path and stay in Carborro for a short duration post retreat. I came to Hoop Path as 'the resident massage therapist'. My community came to me when they felt they needed to tune-in and tune-up their bodies after workshops. It was an honor to set up shop in Beth's barn and treat local Hoop Path-ers in such a beautiful setting. I was in another zone doing healing work in that Barn. The wood resonates and vibrates an ethereal holiness that is the residue of passionate dance. I could feel it all the way down to my bones. The healer in me emerged full of fire and courage as I stepped forward in the community and said "This is what I offer, and I do so in the name of Love, Light and the Greater Good!" Emerge or Die. I choose to Emerge, as I step into the responsibility and power of Being the Healer. As soon as I did this within, perfect opportunities happened externally to validate this acknowledgment of Self. I am officially the second therapist to join the ranks at Hoop Camp, and will be offering massage to the community at this amazing retreat! I am blessed that this is my reality.
My creative Spirit spilled forth while I was in Carborro. I wrote in my journal and filled the 1G memory card in my Cannon Powershot twice over. After being inspired by my soul sister Erin Sparrow, I am taking pictures of everything I find beautiful which is well, everything. Thank you, Sparrow! I was gifted with a wonderful Barnmate during my short stay with Beth. Brecken was my company in the barn, so needless to say there was much hoop exploration and discovery between massages and heart-to-heart soul spillings. I am truly blessed. Brecken inspires me on so many levels as an artist. Her combination of modern dance with her unique style truly moves me to tears. Thank you, Brecken. And just to move backwards in the story to the actual retreat and workshops...Talk about INSPIRING! I am always entranced when in Baxter's workshops. He really does lead one into the deep waters. Sometimes I find myself treading water, just barely staying afloat on the service. Other times, when in the deep water, I find I have the endurance to dive deeeeeeeep down to the bottom and sit in the stillness that is always within the center of the spin. Thank you, Baxter, for watering the seedlings that were hardly aware of their existence. While in workshop with Ann, I found her conceptual notions of 'Exploring the Outer Space' very challenging and fascinating. I realized how stuck I was in habitual hoop patterns. I've been hooping two years now, so it was eye opening to realize how habitual my hooping had become. Thank you, Ann, for helping me step outside of MY CIRCLE, and explore my own untouched Universe, and for your blessing toward my healing as well. It meant so much :)Khan Wong and Brecken Rivara were amazing additions to the retreat. Khan's workshop left me feeling incredibly reverent for life itself. In the softness of the movements, the precision of hoop locale, and the awareness found between hoop and body, I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace. I feel as though Khan himself brought that presence. Thank you, Khan, for being a shining example of simplicity, humility, and grace. As for Brecken's workshop... her theories pushed my mind to the point where it shut down completely, a wonderful gift. I must remove my mind and leave the work to the nuances of body awareness to grasp her explanations of movement. Once my mind is frustrated enough, it exits the scene, and my body allows evolution to flow without restraint. Thank you, Brecken, for taking us into the womb of your creative soul and allowing us to absorb your divine dance. Of course, I was majorly inspired by the other hoop dancers that trekked to the The Mecca of Carborro. I am always humbled as I watch the FlowCase. Sparks totally rocked my face off this year with her super sexy Boom Boom Pow Belly Dance Scarf number. It was a pleasure to perform a piece with the Hoola Monsters (my most intimate Flow Family:) and receive love from an honest, open and loving extended Flow Family. I'm honored to be a part of this community!
The retreat and all that occurred the week after is blissfully blurred together. I merged fluidly from healing and hooping at Hoop Path to fulfilling my yearly tradition of root connections on Edisto Island with the women in my family. I will poetically document this in my next blog. Hoop Path opened the door for me, as it always does, into my own personal space of self-realization, discovery and transformation. I am eternally grateful that I am able to be involved with this amazing operation as a Healer and humble Hoop Dancer. Thank you to all who participated, and to those who are reading these words. Someone once told me "We are great because we are blessed". Thank you for blessing me with your presence and support. It sustains me on this Path. Namaste!
This was my second year at Hoop Path. Last year I sat in that fire circle and cried and cried. So grateful for the hoop and it's people, grateful for my life, grateful for creative devotion and honored to just BE THERE sitting amongst the greats that inspired my beginning. The fire circle has fallen on my Hoopiversary (hoop anniversary) the last two years. That day is also Father's Day. The perfect synchronization. Let me tell you what has happened for me between last year on Father's Day and this year on Father's day. After I left Hoop Path I was determined to end my relationship with my Father, who I felt had wronged me and my mother irreparably. I thought this was the only way to heal it. To dismiss him. To make a long story short, within two weeks of the Father's Day/Summer Solstice fire circle at Hoop Path, I was finally friends with the man who was my Father. We actually sat down to talk and had major breakthroughs. I told him I had been mad at him since I was six. He was sorry, and I believed him. We connected, for the first time in 20 years. He ended up moving closer to me in St. Petersburg for a job, and we got to hang out on the beautiful Gulf coast of Florida together for three months. For anyone who knows me, this healing between my Father and I is profound. This is lifetimes of karmic contracts sealed and healed. I am lighter. Freer. Whole. If the hoop can help me within ONE YEAR to heal a relationship that I felt had been 'broken' for a lifetime, I simply can't imagine what healing it will facilitate for me now that I am in my second year. I have even greater understanding of the hoop and The Way that it opens now. So, this year, listening to Bax say three simple words, 'Emerge or Die', I realized that evolution is upon me once more.
Last year I let a huge part of me die. I let the parts of me that hated my father, hated my mother for loving my father, and hated myself for hating...die. I loved it and then released it. I forgave them and I forgave me. I put in it the fire, and let the fire burn it into dust with all of the old patterns and beliefs that enable that hatred. I acknowledged the emotion, and let it burn away. It took a while for this miraculous healing to be revealed, but I experienced it fully all the same. I know now to be patient and wait, observe the signs and symbols from Spirit, and allow the healing to happen. I am already feeling the Fourth Ring healing. My tree, my treasures, and my heart is expanding.
This year I feel I have more to take care of on the Emergence side of this coin. Be the Bird. The yin. The conception, creative fire, and birth of a new Me. A Self-Realized Shellie. Wow. It feels good to type that:)! Hoop Path was the perfect opportunity to become aware of who this is. What do I want to offer the world? What example do I want to set? Easy answer. I know my purpose. I am a healer. This is what I was born to do. I am grateful I realized this and went to massage school, educated myself daily on the body, and study as much as I can about what it means to Be Healthy. My healing hands have sustained me for the last four years. It is what paid for me to come to Hoop Path and stay in Carborro for a short duration post retreat. I came to Hoop Path as 'the resident massage therapist'. My community came to me when they felt they needed to tune-in and tune-up their bodies after workshops. It was an honor to set up shop in Beth's barn and treat local Hoop Path-ers in such a beautiful setting. I was in another zone doing healing work in that Barn. The wood resonates and vibrates an ethereal holiness that is the residue of passionate dance. I could feel it all the way down to my bones. The healer in me emerged full of fire and courage as I stepped forward in the community and said "This is what I offer, and I do so in the name of Love, Light and the Greater Good!" Emerge or Die. I choose to Emerge, as I step into the responsibility and power of Being the Healer. As soon as I did this within, perfect opportunities happened externally to validate this acknowledgment of Self. I am officially the second therapist to join the ranks at Hoop Camp, and will be offering massage to the community at this amazing retreat! I am blessed that this is my reality.
My creative Spirit spilled forth while I was in Carborro. I wrote in my journal and filled the 1G memory card in my Cannon Powershot twice over. After being inspired by my soul sister Erin Sparrow, I am taking pictures of everything I find beautiful which is well, everything. Thank you, Sparrow! I was gifted with a wonderful Barnmate during my short stay with Beth. Brecken was my company in the barn, so needless to say there was much hoop exploration and discovery between massages and heart-to-heart soul spillings. I am truly blessed. Brecken inspires me on so many levels as an artist. Her combination of modern dance with her unique style truly moves me to tears. Thank you, Brecken. And just to move backwards in the story to the actual retreat and workshops...Talk about INSPIRING! I am always entranced when in Baxter's workshops. He really does lead one into the deep waters. Sometimes I find myself treading water, just barely staying afloat on the service. Other times, when in the deep water, I find I have the endurance to dive deeeeeeeep down to the bottom and sit in the stillness that is always within the center of the spin. Thank you, Baxter, for watering the seedlings that were hardly aware of their existence. While in workshop with Ann, I found her conceptual notions of 'Exploring the Outer Space' very challenging and fascinating. I realized how stuck I was in habitual hoop patterns. I've been hooping two years now, so it was eye opening to realize how habitual my hooping had become. Thank you, Ann, for helping me step outside of MY CIRCLE, and explore my own untouched Universe, and for your blessing toward my healing as well. It meant so much :)Khan Wong and Brecken Rivara were amazing additions to the retreat. Khan's workshop left me feeling incredibly reverent for life itself. In the softness of the movements, the precision of hoop locale, and the awareness found between hoop and body, I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace. I feel as though Khan himself brought that presence. Thank you, Khan, for being a shining example of simplicity, humility, and grace. As for Brecken's workshop... her theories pushed my mind to the point where it shut down completely, a wonderful gift. I must remove my mind and leave the work to the nuances of body awareness to grasp her explanations of movement. Once my mind is frustrated enough, it exits the scene, and my body allows evolution to flow without restraint. Thank you, Brecken, for taking us into the womb of your creative soul and allowing us to absorb your divine dance. Of course, I was majorly inspired by the other hoop dancers that trekked to the The Mecca of Carborro. I am always humbled as I watch the FlowCase. Sparks totally rocked my face off this year with her super sexy Boom Boom Pow Belly Dance Scarf number. It was a pleasure to perform a piece with the Hoola Monsters (my most intimate Flow Family:) and receive love from an honest, open and loving extended Flow Family. I'm honored to be a part of this community!
The retreat and all that occurred the week after is blissfully blurred together. I merged fluidly from healing and hooping at Hoop Path to fulfilling my yearly tradition of root connections on Edisto Island with the women in my family. I will poetically document this in my next blog. Hoop Path opened the door for me, as it always does, into my own personal space of self-realization, discovery and transformation. I am eternally grateful that I am able to be involved with this amazing operation as a Healer and humble Hoop Dancer. Thank you to all who participated, and to those who are reading these words. Someone once told me "We are great because we are blessed". Thank you for blessing me with your presence and support. It sustains me on this Path. Namaste!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Egoic Eclipse: A Poem
I know it is all ok. I know it will all be fine.
I turn in simple circles, ignoring the boundary line.
Burning her identity, the phoenix must ignite.
Dissolving into ash, forfeiting her flight.
The illusion seems real, the fantasy a truth.
I linger here in limbo, between womanhood and youth.
The time to let go is now, free the bird of song.
Enlightenment is here, in my heart where it belongs.
The moonlight flows into me. I choose to let it in.
The healing has begun, I breathe into the spin.
The dance eclipses ego, I open to the Flow.
I fall into the void of Source, releasing all I know.
The shell begins to crack. The lotus has emerged.
The mire is the past. Dead emotions purged.
Fire colored feathers wet. Feet shaky on the ground.
The Phoenix has arisen. Full circle. Free! Unbound.
I turn in simple circles, ignoring the boundary line.
Burning her identity, the phoenix must ignite.
Dissolving into ash, forfeiting her flight.
The illusion seems real, the fantasy a truth.
I linger here in limbo, between womanhood and youth.
The time to let go is now, free the bird of song.
Enlightenment is here, in my heart where it belongs.
The moonlight flows into me. I choose to let it in.
The healing has begun, I breathe into the spin.
The dance eclipses ego, I open to the Flow.
I fall into the void of Source, releasing all I know.
The shell begins to crack. The lotus has emerged.
The mire is the past. Dead emotions purged.
Fire colored feathers wet. Feet shaky on the ground.
The Phoenix has arisen. Full circle. Free! Unbound.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Dancing with Shadows
The adventure has taken a turn.
I must share with you the internal turmoil I have been experiencing in the last three months. I confess...I have been slightly miserable. Ever since I moved into StudioFlow I have been faced with my shadow self.
Before StudioFlow was StudioFlow, it was Margie Haynes' School of Dance. Margie became sick and died, actually, which is how the space ended up being available. Maybe it's the ghost of Margie's distressed spirit, maybe it's the mold, maybe it's the fact that I moved in with Noah and took on way too much, way too fast. Maybe it's because there is no shower, and we just recently installed hot water (kudos to Noah for being the most handy man I ever met!) Perhaps it is the shifting planets and Mother Earth sloughing off human parasites via one natural 'disaster' after another, and I'm feeling wicked sensitive. All I know is that I went from being in super-happy-Bliss-Fairy mode, to feeling completely uninterested in my home, my partnership, my creativity, my friendships, and my own personal growth. I will even go as far to say I have been depressed. I have been a sobbing, screaming, snotty mess. I have been having realizations about myself that have catalyzed me into wanted to pursue some intense healing. This is great! Feelings of depression happen throughout our lives. It is totally normal to experience a low point. It is cyclical. I appreciate going through it so I can come out, on the light side of the dark, and share with you my true experience. We are all human.
Noah and I have been at odds, as he is the closest one to me in my circle. My cynical presence was becoming a burden for our partnership and all of the aspirations Noah had in creating StudioFlow. I realized I just did not want to be here, and it was causing some serious stagnation. I started hating StudioFlow. I realized I was resentful to even put money towards it. I want no part of it. I decided I would rather use my money to travel and explore. It is interesting to me, because I did have some hesitation in the beginning of this adventure. Everything seemed so right, but my gut was screaming 'NO!'. I silenced it. And now, I realize, no matter how perfect things may be appearing and tempting you on the outside, we MUST listen to our intuition. It was telling me that even though this 'could' work, I did not belong here. Quickly, I realized I didn't 'feel good'. I began judging myself, my mind saying things like "You quitter! Look at you! Self-Sabotage, abandonment, failure! You never finish what you start." I kept going back and forth, feeling wretched about not wanting to be here, forcing myself to stay. Noah and I wanted so badly to provide a haven for the conscious folks in the area. I realized quickly I was doing too much for other people and had stopped focusing on myself. I am 25, and still need to be slightly selfish in my daily life. I need to make sure I am taking care of myself, and through all of this StudioFlow business, I wasn't. Too busy thinking about the future and not what I need right now to be OK in this moment. I was being hard on myself for fantasizing about travel and healing retreats. Well, travel and healing retreats is what I really DO want! I don't want my own business right now. I don't want all of that responsibility at the moment and THAT IS OK! I realize I was having a super-hard time because I wasn't being true to my path, I was getting caught up in ideas, speculation, and drama. Actually, I can even admit I have been creating drama. My subconscious has been sabotaging this whole operation. I finally broke down to Noah and told him I just couldn't stay, I didn't belong here. I didn't feel free. I didn't know why, I just knew that it wasn't feeling good AT ALL. It was hard to drop my pride, after all of the money and work Noah and I have collectively put into this place. Also, Flow has been such a joy to be a part of as the community gathered here to celebrate and enjoy each other. My friends all LOVE to be here, jam out, hoop, play, eat and just be. To just leave? No way!! Well, if I wanted to be a happy, sane person, YES WAY. As soon as Noah and I came to the joint decision that this was, in fact, for the better that I go, I felt so much RELIEF! After trillions of tears, sadness, anger, resentment, bitterness and resistance, I have my things packed and will begin traveling this June. I breathe deeply with loving acceptance as I type these words.
Noah and I have a love that runs deeper than our hearts. I had my doubts about our relationship, as both of us were wallowing in our own stinky shit and didn't know out asses from our elbows over the last few weeks. We had some seriously intense interactions that left both of wondering 'What the hell just happened?'. We feel, now, like a veil has been lifted. We were both operating on fear, pride, and seeing a false reality. We are now choosing the path of least resistance, ease, and freedom. We realize how much we love and desire each other, and are choosing to stay partnered while honoring the others free will. We love each other more than we love the idea of StudioFlow. I am doing some solo traveling...HoopPath, Edisto, Peru, Santa Cruz...and Noah has an amazing opportunity in California that could sky-rocket his musical career. The original essence of our partnership was to be 'Creative Partners'. To me, this meant music and dance...duh! Noah and I ready to live our artistic dreams, and both of us are feeling the pull towards the West Coast. We love the StudioFlow concept. We want to create this again, in different time, and different place. We have learned SO MUCH from this whole endeavor. I personally have danced with my shadow self. I am ready to face the masked shadow self that I have never truly met. I have danced around it, letting the shadow, Sheila, lead. I am going to Peru in August for a 15 day Ayahuasca retreat. I may face more than just my shadow. I have a feeling I will face quite a few demons...but that, is another blog, on another day, after another cup of coffee :)
So this is where I am. Letting go of StudioFlow. Embracing the need to face the pieces of myself I have felt separate from and scared of. I plan on keeping a journal throughout this experience. It may take some time for me to translate it all to the point where I can blog about it, but I promise I will share. I heal myself so that I may heal my world. My intention in letting go of everything I know to pursue my journey of healing and creativity (in that order) is to state to the Universe: Here I am! Use me in the way I was truly designed to serve. I am a healer, therefore I must heal myself. I was created in the likeness of the One True Source, so I am here to create myself everyday to be in tune with the Source that is within me. I am here, ready to be fully opened to my true self, my full potential, my birth-given right of complete freedom, happiness and fulfillment! Life is so juicy. I am done being the one that stands in my own way. Here I come, juicy world, ready to slurp you up and let you dribble down my chin. Yum, life is tasty! Especially when your as hungry as this girl. Love, Laughter, Light and Courage to you during this time of great and necessary change! :) Go feed your SPIRIT!
I must share with you the internal turmoil I have been experiencing in the last three months. I confess...I have been slightly miserable. Ever since I moved into StudioFlow I have been faced with my shadow self.
Before StudioFlow was StudioFlow, it was Margie Haynes' School of Dance. Margie became sick and died, actually, which is how the space ended up being available. Maybe it's the ghost of Margie's distressed spirit, maybe it's the mold, maybe it's the fact that I moved in with Noah and took on way too much, way too fast. Maybe it's because there is no shower, and we just recently installed hot water (kudos to Noah for being the most handy man I ever met!) Perhaps it is the shifting planets and Mother Earth sloughing off human parasites via one natural 'disaster' after another, and I'm feeling wicked sensitive. All I know is that I went from being in super-happy-Bliss-Fairy mode, to feeling completely uninterested in my home, my partnership, my creativity, my friendships, and my own personal growth. I will even go as far to say I have been depressed. I have been a sobbing, screaming, snotty mess. I have been having realizations about myself that have catalyzed me into wanted to pursue some intense healing. This is great! Feelings of depression happen throughout our lives. It is totally normal to experience a low point. It is cyclical. I appreciate going through it so I can come out, on the light side of the dark, and share with you my true experience. We are all human.
Noah and I have been at odds, as he is the closest one to me in my circle. My cynical presence was becoming a burden for our partnership and all of the aspirations Noah had in creating StudioFlow. I realized I just did not want to be here, and it was causing some serious stagnation. I started hating StudioFlow. I realized I was resentful to even put money towards it. I want no part of it. I decided I would rather use my money to travel and explore. It is interesting to me, because I did have some hesitation in the beginning of this adventure. Everything seemed so right, but my gut was screaming 'NO!'. I silenced it. And now, I realize, no matter how perfect things may be appearing and tempting you on the outside, we MUST listen to our intuition. It was telling me that even though this 'could' work, I did not belong here. Quickly, I realized I didn't 'feel good'. I began judging myself, my mind saying things like "You quitter! Look at you! Self-Sabotage, abandonment, failure! You never finish what you start." I kept going back and forth, feeling wretched about not wanting to be here, forcing myself to stay. Noah and I wanted so badly to provide a haven for the conscious folks in the area. I realized quickly I was doing too much for other people and had stopped focusing on myself. I am 25, and still need to be slightly selfish in my daily life. I need to make sure I am taking care of myself, and through all of this StudioFlow business, I wasn't. Too busy thinking about the future and not what I need right now to be OK in this moment. I was being hard on myself for fantasizing about travel and healing retreats. Well, travel and healing retreats is what I really DO want! I don't want my own business right now. I don't want all of that responsibility at the moment and THAT IS OK! I realize I was having a super-hard time because I wasn't being true to my path, I was getting caught up in ideas, speculation, and drama. Actually, I can even admit I have been creating drama. My subconscious has been sabotaging this whole operation. I finally broke down to Noah and told him I just couldn't stay, I didn't belong here. I didn't feel free. I didn't know why, I just knew that it wasn't feeling good AT ALL. It was hard to drop my pride, after all of the money and work Noah and I have collectively put into this place. Also, Flow has been such a joy to be a part of as the community gathered here to celebrate and enjoy each other. My friends all LOVE to be here, jam out, hoop, play, eat and just be. To just leave? No way!! Well, if I wanted to be a happy, sane person, YES WAY. As soon as Noah and I came to the joint decision that this was, in fact, for the better that I go, I felt so much RELIEF! After trillions of tears, sadness, anger, resentment, bitterness and resistance, I have my things packed and will begin traveling this June. I breathe deeply with loving acceptance as I type these words.
Noah and I have a love that runs deeper than our hearts. I had my doubts about our relationship, as both of us were wallowing in our own stinky shit and didn't know out asses from our elbows over the last few weeks. We had some seriously intense interactions that left both of wondering 'What the hell just happened?'. We feel, now, like a veil has been lifted. We were both operating on fear, pride, and seeing a false reality. We are now choosing the path of least resistance, ease, and freedom. We realize how much we love and desire each other, and are choosing to stay partnered while honoring the others free will. We love each other more than we love the idea of StudioFlow. I am doing some solo traveling...HoopPath, Edisto, Peru, Santa Cruz...and Noah has an amazing opportunity in California that could sky-rocket his musical career. The original essence of our partnership was to be 'Creative Partners'. To me, this meant music and dance...duh! Noah and I ready to live our artistic dreams, and both of us are feeling the pull towards the West Coast. We love the StudioFlow concept. We want to create this again, in different time, and different place. We have learned SO MUCH from this whole endeavor. I personally have danced with my shadow self. I am ready to face the masked shadow self that I have never truly met. I have danced around it, letting the shadow, Sheila, lead. I am going to Peru in August for a 15 day Ayahuasca retreat. I may face more than just my shadow. I have a feeling I will face quite a few demons...but that, is another blog, on another day, after another cup of coffee :)
So this is where I am. Letting go of StudioFlow. Embracing the need to face the pieces of myself I have felt separate from and scared of. I plan on keeping a journal throughout this experience. It may take some time for me to translate it all to the point where I can blog about it, but I promise I will share. I heal myself so that I may heal my world. My intention in letting go of everything I know to pursue my journey of healing and creativity (in that order) is to state to the Universe: Here I am! Use me in the way I was truly designed to serve. I am a healer, therefore I must heal myself. I was created in the likeness of the One True Source, so I am here to create myself everyday to be in tune with the Source that is within me. I am here, ready to be fully opened to my true self, my full potential, my birth-given right of complete freedom, happiness and fulfillment! Life is so juicy. I am done being the one that stands in my own way. Here I come, juicy world, ready to slurp you up and let you dribble down my chin. Yum, life is tasty! Especially when your as hungry as this girl. Love, Laughter, Light and Courage to you during this time of great and necessary change! :) Go feed your SPIRIT!
Friday, April 16, 2010
MY Hooping Life
June 22, 2008 was the day I was truly born, it is the day I first saw the mesmerizing art of Hoop Dancing. As I frantically found everything I could on the internet to feed this new, amazing, and completely consuming addiction, I stumbled across movie trailers for an upcoming documentary called The Hooping Life. I was so ready to see this movie and couldn't WAIT for it's release. Well, I had to. Documentaries take time and patience, as the director waits for the story to unfold and emerge. As I awaited The Hooping Life, I focused on my own hooping life. The hoop guided me to all the right places, all of the perfect people, amazing opportunities, and, of course, found Divine ways to bring me full circle everyday. I saw the hoop for the first time in Sarasota, FL. I found healing in the hoop on the quartz crystals sands of Seista and Lido Key. I chose to leave Sarasota and have bounced all around, but again, the hoop is always aware of The Ultimate's plan. Almost one year after I left Sarasota, I found myself being drawn back as the Hoola Monsters (my hoop troupe) was asked to host the WORLD PREMIER of The Hooping Life! This whole experience has been an incredible whirlwind. When I first saw the trailer for this film, it never even crossed my mind that I would, within less than two years, be sitting at the same breakfast and dinner tables as Amy Goldstien, the Director of the film, eating cornbread and taking workshops with Anah "Hoopalicious", the Grandmother of Hoop Dance, listening to Karis, a super star of Hoop Dance and The Hooping Life, tell stories of his random LA celeb encounters, hoop with the Jonathan Baxter, the sensei of the movement, and be with my amazing hoop troupe as we collectively came together to make this all happen. I feel so involved, so participatory, so honored to be included! This simple, sacred circle has changed my very existence, raised my vibration, exceeded and eliminated all expectations I have ever had about life, and has encouraged me to create, re-create, and create again my authentic self. I am so blessed to be able to write down this experience. I truly feel that I am part of something that is aiding in the shift of human consciousness, a movement that will change the world as we know it. I am immensely grateful to all of the amazing pioneers of this art form. So grateful, that I vow to do everything within my capabilities to be a pioneer myself, with my gifts and talents, so that I may aid in the momentum of this movement. I LOVE MY AMAZING LIFE AS A HOOP DANCER! I will stand on mountain tops and sing this truth to universes and other dimensions. May all of you find your niche as an artist, this is my prayer and purpose. Infinite Love.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
The Cyber Commitment
My creative partner, soul-mate, and Twin Flame is Noah Broe. Noah and I met in massage school four years ago, had an intimate, intense and educational relationship for a year, and then parted ways. We were separated with the random phone call or email as our only contact for three years. He traveled, I traveled. He spent time in the beautiful community of Lewisburg, WV, and so did I (at two totally different times!) Both of us, in our time apart, created ourselves, embraced our evolution, recognized ourselves as Light workers, and continued to spread our love and message to as many as we could. Noah and I were in phone contact while I was in Lewisberg this past summer, and he told me he was coming home from Maui. I was kinda bummed because I thought I was going to be headed out to Maui and that I would miss him, as he would be back in Florida. Well, after many rapid changes occurring whilst in Lewisberg,I chose to also come back to Florida to pursue my creative endeavors as a Hoop Dance Performer, teacher, and artist. I linked up with the Hoola Monsters and have since completely aligned with my Divine Purpose. (This is working out in ways I never could have possibly imagined, by the way:) So, Noah and I ended up reconnecting here in St. Petersburg, FL. We are lovingly committed to each other. So committed that we have moved into an old dance studio and are remodeling it to create a live-in dance and flow arts studio/communal space. (So stoked!) I am so grateful to have found myself, and have it reflected back to me via my Creative Partner, Noah. I prayed for this. Everything I asked for is present. We laugh, sing, dance, communicate, massage each other, create healthy meals, have the same world view, don't like TV, do love music and festivals, both love to fire dance and hoop, do yoga, have the same preference in people, enjoy being social, make amazing super sweet love together, Honor Spirit, and believe that we are the creators of this very moment. Noah reflects back to me all of the beauty and magnificence I choose to see in another human being, and choose to see in myself. Because he is confident, sure, connected and accepting of himself, he can see all of the same in me. Granted, we have our moments when one or both of us forgets our divinity and becomes scared and small. But it only takes one of us to remember, and because we are so trusting of each other and Spirit, we can lovingly guide each other back into the Light we know we are made of. So, I Love Noah :) And he loves me!
Here is the kicker...
Noah loves me so much that he is willing to change his facebook relationship status from non-existent to saying "Noah Broe is in a Relationship with Shellie White". He tried to do this and ran into a tiny problem. Facebook denied his request to be in a "Relationship with Shellie White" because "Shellie White is in a Relationship with Shellie White". For those of you who have not taken the time out of your super-busy lives to check my relationship status on facebook (don't lie, you know your interested!) I will fill you in on the fact that I went out of my way one day to create another profile for myself so that I could be in a relationship with myself. Yes, I agree this is slightly dramatic. This is how I roll. I am the star of my own show, aren't you? :) People love this. It makes a statement. It says "I am totally accepting and loving of myself and this is the only relationship that I need". It is fun and empowering. Am I ready to CANCEL my relationship with myself? And if I can drop enough pride to do this, am I ready to commit to Noah on FACEBOOK? Everyone will see! I can see it all over 'walls' across the world "Shellie White has canceled her relationship with Shellie White". What will my 971 friends think?....
You know what though, it's about time. It is time, I can feel it in my gut. By canceling my exclusive relationship with myself, I will then feel even more free to enter into as many creative partnerships as possible with those I love around me. I don't want to do this alone. I'm not doing it alone at present, really. Now I am more receiving of others help, ideas, and involvement. I am now open to sharing. Sharing my space and resources, my affection and affinity, and my LOVE. There is enough love inside of me for everyone in the world to have a helping!
I will happily and respectfully end my relationship with my 'self'. My ego will not dominate. My heart will. My heart has a huge room with vaulted ceilings and infinite unlocked doors for the man I love, respect and honor, Noah Broe. My ego is screaming "Don't give up your identity!" and my heart is singing "Spread this amazing love with everyone unabashedly and with joy!" Ok, Heart. Let's do this. I will change my relationship status with the intention to let others know it is your life's purpose to partner with Spirit, and when you truly are partnered with Spirit, another soul that is twin and akin to yours will happily be your friend, lover, teacher, and student and stand by your side on this super-duper-double-triple-looper roller coaster of life. I love loving. Here goes!
Here is the kicker...
Noah loves me so much that he is willing to change his facebook relationship status from non-existent to saying "Noah Broe is in a Relationship with Shellie White". He tried to do this and ran into a tiny problem. Facebook denied his request to be in a "Relationship with Shellie White" because "Shellie White is in a Relationship with Shellie White". For those of you who have not taken the time out of your super-busy lives to check my relationship status on facebook (don't lie, you know your interested!) I will fill you in on the fact that I went out of my way one day to create another profile for myself so that I could be in a relationship with myself. Yes, I agree this is slightly dramatic. This is how I roll. I am the star of my own show, aren't you? :) People love this. It makes a statement. It says "I am totally accepting and loving of myself and this is the only relationship that I need". It is fun and empowering. Am I ready to CANCEL my relationship with myself? And if I can drop enough pride to do this, am I ready to commit to Noah on FACEBOOK? Everyone will see! I can see it all over 'walls' across the world "Shellie White has canceled her relationship with Shellie White". What will my 971 friends think?....
You know what though, it's about time. It is time, I can feel it in my gut. By canceling my exclusive relationship with myself, I will then feel even more free to enter into as many creative partnerships as possible with those I love around me. I don't want to do this alone. I'm not doing it alone at present, really. Now I am more receiving of others help, ideas, and involvement. I am now open to sharing. Sharing my space and resources, my affection and affinity, and my LOVE. There is enough love inside of me for everyone in the world to have a helping!
I will happily and respectfully end my relationship with my 'self'. My ego will not dominate. My heart will. My heart has a huge room with vaulted ceilings and infinite unlocked doors for the man I love, respect and honor, Noah Broe. My ego is screaming "Don't give up your identity!" and my heart is singing "Spread this amazing love with everyone unabashedly and with joy!" Ok, Heart. Let's do this. I will change my relationship status with the intention to let others know it is your life's purpose to partner with Spirit, and when you truly are partnered with Spirit, another soul that is twin and akin to yours will happily be your friend, lover, teacher, and student and stand by your side on this super-duper-double-triple-looper roller coaster of life. I love loving. Here goes!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)